its been a long time since i have felt this way, but something, or someone, has stirred up my passions. they felt dead, but suddenly they're very much alive.
but i feel angry
and i want to hurt him
i want him to feel this
once again, i feel all these feelings that i don't know what to do with. they feel toxic, and i want to inflict them on him, but experience tells me that this will pass, and that no good would come of it. nothing has ever affected him before anyway, he's as cold as ice. i loved this distance in him before.
B told me he is in love with me today - perhaps thats my catalyst. Its strange, i already knew that he was, but still, to hear it.. it stirred me.
where is this leading? to whom? i wish i knew. why do i want to scratch out D's eyes suddenly? apart from the obvious, i mean.
how would it feel if i got my own way?
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