confessions

i don't know my own heart anymore.. time is flying by and with each day that ends i find myself feeling more and more lost, more and more transparent. i feel disconnected.

i'm trying to reach for happiness, but i don't know what direction to turn. i don't like feeling this way.

today was better. i had an ok time at school, got to know the visiting international student a little better. nice guy, but seems quite young. i left early - wasn't much to do. felt mildly guilty about it.

came home, went straight to bed and slept for a few hours. i've just got nothing. J emailed me to let me know his mum is going to ring me. things are still awkward between us, but at least he doesn't ignore me.. *sigh* i miss D. i miss having him in my life.

so i think i need to change - but i don't know how.