I can't even describe whats going on inside me at the moment. I seem to have lost control of my subconscious altogether, and its chugging away, grinding away on something, and apart from the odd outburst of tears, I can't access it.
Things i know i'm upset about
- the anniversary thing - i've been thinking about j a bit. its not really acutely painful though.
- still some intrusive d thoughts
- still feeling quite lonely
its the same old crap, really. I'm a bit over it. I know I should make more of an effort to move on with my life, and stop mooching around being miserable about them. I don't really know what to do about it though. Time will tell, I guess.
PS - I'm scared of the next anniversary - the D one. I'm scared to be alone during it, cos it'll hurt. And I hate that I have nobody to talk to about it.
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